This, right here, sums up the issue. I'm beginning to think the term "casual sex" is something of an oxymoron. We don't even need to go to a religious or traditional place to arrive at this conclusion-- sex is the most physically intimate thing you can do with another person, shouldn't we treat it with a sense of reverence? Plus, the empirical evidence is starting to mount that promiscuity isn't good for men or for women.
Ubiquitous porn has torn through a generation of men (and a lot of women as well), who've formed their impressions of what sex is, and/or should be, through the lens of a distorted and exaggerated performance. Porn is designed to gratify the viewer, with the enjoyment of the performers or the bonding aspect totally out of the picture. OnlyFans, especially of the "girlfriend experience" variety, is even worse, commodifying the idea of an intimate relationship itself.
You start to touch on this towards the end of the piece, but in the era of dating apps, social media, virtual interactions, etc, it seems deep connections and real intimacy are harder and harder to find. There's a great piece on UnHerd that goes deeper into this dynamic-- https://unherd.com/2022/01/the-death-of-intimacy/.
I recently subscribed to your youtube channel after watching your video on loneliness. I find myself in a situation in which I work from home, and live by myself in a city far away from family and friends. It's convenient as hell, for sure. But your video... well, it hit different. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling similarly. 😵💫
Watching a few of your other videos, I appreciated the nuance and the fact that I couldn't immediately tell what your stance would be on any given issue. When you know exactly what a content creator is going to say about something, things can get kind of boring. (:
We might be in a sad state of affairs in our society, but diagnosing and discussing the problems we face is the first step towards fixing things. I try to do some of that on my 'stack. Cool to you've started one too, looking forward to reading more of your stuff!
This was really great Z. I am afraid your experience is a fairly common one for many women nowadays, it certainly was for me. I had a man spit in my face once during sex, we had never discussed it beforehand, he just felt supremely confident that it was a perfectly normal and ok thing to do to me. I can't even say it goes away as you get older because this happened in my early 30's. Have you read Louise Perry's The Case Against the Sexual Revolution? I really loved it and wished I had read it or those ideas about 20 years ago. I'd be very curious to hear your thoughts on it. Thank you for this <3
Not having had sex yet, it is extremely tempting to me, but that's because I have always viewed it as something that, when it finally happened, would be a good experience, because of how much effort it took to get to it.
Really insightful story thanks a lot for sharing it.
I can only speak for myself but as a man i have been an avid porn user and you perfectly described what we might come find in it. Yet i dont think porn really affected what i expect from the sex in a relationship. I'm perfectly happy doing the most "vanilla" of things forever while at the same time able to enjoy a watch of the most extreme. Porn might not be the only factor here as much as maybe a fear of missing out or an endless search for something else that could even be outside of sex.
Now I'm curious about what's everyone relationship with porn and how you think it has shaped your likings
I just remember being 12 on Newgrounds and being bombarded by porn sites, ranging from hentai to scat, seriously, the internet has really cleaned itself up over the years in that way, I don't really have much of a taste for extreme stuff, I've just seen a ton of it growing up, then again I watched a video of a sex change operation when I was a kid and found it funny so I'd say I was mostly just very desensitised.
Probably the most extreme thing I've done is attempted outdoor sex, but that was more down to a lack of other useable locations,
I feel like you really wanted to get this off your chest but I'm not sure if porn/kink is the issue, I find the porn industry quite fascinating in a way, it's almost like a movie series which just gets increasingly stupid because its basic purpose was done in the first film and now all it can do is try and top itself, I personally think the next step is going to be parasocial relationships with AI's, that also product porn, maybe it's just that I was looking at really disgusting porn half a decade before I was even capable of cumming I've always seen a very clear difference between porn and reality I feel like a single sexual encounter should make that fairly obvious to most people.
I completely agree that consent is complicated but part of just being a decent person is doing the right thing without the risk of a prison sentence hanging over your head, I'm still fascinated by the fact that there are women who think blue balls are actually really painful when they are far less irritating than having to take a piss on a long bus trip, but I don't think kink is the issue, I think the issue is being a dick.
Did you ever know anybody who was normal? Lifelong, and including the "influencers" that you interact with via youtube. And I mean "normal" in the traditional sense that has existed though the ages, not normal for GenZ.
Keep writing, don’t you dare stop! 💙
A very interesting read!
That was difficult for me to get through. Not how it was written, rather the details. Thank you
> Sex is serious and ought to be treated as such.
This, right here, sums up the issue. I'm beginning to think the term "casual sex" is something of an oxymoron. We don't even need to go to a religious or traditional place to arrive at this conclusion-- sex is the most physically intimate thing you can do with another person, shouldn't we treat it with a sense of reverence? Plus, the empirical evidence is starting to mount that promiscuity isn't good for men or for women.
Ubiquitous porn has torn through a generation of men (and a lot of women as well), who've formed their impressions of what sex is, and/or should be, through the lens of a distorted and exaggerated performance. Porn is designed to gratify the viewer, with the enjoyment of the performers or the bonding aspect totally out of the picture. OnlyFans, especially of the "girlfriend experience" variety, is even worse, commodifying the idea of an intimate relationship itself.
You start to touch on this towards the end of the piece, but in the era of dating apps, social media, virtual interactions, etc, it seems deep connections and real intimacy are harder and harder to find. There's a great piece on UnHerd that goes deeper into this dynamic-- https://unherd.com/2022/01/the-death-of-intimacy/.
I recently subscribed to your youtube channel after watching your video on loneliness. I find myself in a situation in which I work from home, and live by myself in a city far away from family and friends. It's convenient as hell, for sure. But your video... well, it hit different. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling similarly. 😵💫
Watching a few of your other videos, I appreciated the nuance and the fact that I couldn't immediately tell what your stance would be on any given issue. When you know exactly what a content creator is going to say about something, things can get kind of boring. (:
We might be in a sad state of affairs in our society, but diagnosing and discussing the problems we face is the first step towards fixing things. I try to do some of that on my 'stack. Cool to you've started one too, looking forward to reading more of your stuff!
This was really great Z. I am afraid your experience is a fairly common one for many women nowadays, it certainly was for me. I had a man spit in my face once during sex, we had never discussed it beforehand, he just felt supremely confident that it was a perfectly normal and ok thing to do to me. I can't even say it goes away as you get older because this happened in my early 30's. Have you read Louise Perry's The Case Against the Sexual Revolution? I really loved it and wished I had read it or those ideas about 20 years ago. I'd be very curious to hear your thoughts on it. Thank you for this <3
Not having had sex yet, it is extremely tempting to me, but that's because I have always viewed it as something that, when it finally happened, would be a good experience, because of how much effort it took to get to it.
Really insightful story thanks a lot for sharing it.
I can only speak for myself but as a man i have been an avid porn user and you perfectly described what we might come find in it. Yet i dont think porn really affected what i expect from the sex in a relationship. I'm perfectly happy doing the most "vanilla" of things forever while at the same time able to enjoy a watch of the most extreme. Porn might not be the only factor here as much as maybe a fear of missing out or an endless search for something else that could even be outside of sex.
Now I'm curious about what's everyone relationship with porn and how you think it has shaped your likings
I just remember being 12 on Newgrounds and being bombarded by porn sites, ranging from hentai to scat, seriously, the internet has really cleaned itself up over the years in that way, I don't really have much of a taste for extreme stuff, I've just seen a ton of it growing up, then again I watched a video of a sex change operation when I was a kid and found it funny so I'd say I was mostly just very desensitised.
Probably the most extreme thing I've done is attempted outdoor sex, but that was more down to a lack of other useable locations,
Beautiful, important and cure for souls of many. Best wishes for you! 💜
I feel like you really wanted to get this off your chest but I'm not sure if porn/kink is the issue, I find the porn industry quite fascinating in a way, it's almost like a movie series which just gets increasingly stupid because its basic purpose was done in the first film and now all it can do is try and top itself, I personally think the next step is going to be parasocial relationships with AI's, that also product porn, maybe it's just that I was looking at really disgusting porn half a decade before I was even capable of cumming I've always seen a very clear difference between porn and reality I feel like a single sexual encounter should make that fairly obvious to most people.
I completely agree that consent is complicated but part of just being a decent person is doing the right thing without the risk of a prison sentence hanging over your head, I'm still fascinated by the fact that there are women who think blue balls are actually really painful when they are far less irritating than having to take a piss on a long bus trip, but I don't think kink is the issue, I think the issue is being a dick.
Did you ever know anybody who was normal? Lifelong, and including the "influencers" that you interact with via youtube. And I mean "normal" in the traditional sense that has existed though the ages, not normal for GenZ.